couples

In our individual lives and in our relationships we have experiences that hurt, scare, confuse and frustrate us. When we are young and can’t resolve the conflict, we hide the wound and carry on by making use of “coping” mechanisms.  It is natural and understandable that we try to avoid, deny, steel against and dissociate from feelings and events that are hurting us.

Over time, as we use these coping mechanisms again and again, they evolve into patterns or “filters” in front of how we see the “reality” of our experiences. Often, in order for us to “believe” in this filtered reality, we have to “forget” much of what actually happened that, at one time, was too much for us to handle.

Later, when we come together in relationship, our “coped with”, “filtered” or unresolved experiences tend to entangle with other’s unresolved experiences.  This happens most strongly in family and couple relationships, where the wounded places within each of us come into the closest contact. In our desire to get closer, we unconsciously attempt to work out unresolved issues.  But in these sensitive places, old feelings can escalate quickly, and the consequences can be pretty confusing, destructive and disconnecting.

In my approach to couple’s work, I help you to uncover and heal these patterns of coping and the web of disconnecting feelings that arise when we bump up against each other.  Becoming aware of how our old wounds and our coping patterns unconsciously cause us to be, can be quite surprising.  It can be a huge relief to realize that much of the frustration and disappointment we feel in our relationships is the result of operating from these unconscious patterns, and not from our own shortcomings, lack of loving or lack of effort.

The process is gentle and very effective.  I invite you to take this healing step forward in your relationship by giving me a call.